So, at least I got home OK.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.“German,” she replies.“Occupation?”“No, just here for a few days.”As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from insidescreams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “Too late, mate, the paperwork’s already done.”I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.So I thought - sod it, I’ll soldier on.I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!I panicked. I didn’t know what to do.Then I. ‘I’m so sorry baby.’ He said, using a term of endearment that was probably inappropriate. Her countenance brightened. ‘Come home for dinner! You look exhausted. I’ve got a guest room…more room than I need…you’re welcome to stay… no, I insist! You’re obviously too exhausted to drive any more and Iwouldn’t think of having you stay in a motel.’ ‘Are you sure, I…’ ‘Stop being difficult, you’re coming home with me.’ And so he followed her home and helped her carry her groceries inside. It was a far bigger house than it had appeared from the street. It was so completely her, her taste in decorating hadn’t changed that much since… ‘Grab your suitcase…I’ll show you to the guestroom…you have your own bath. Go ahead and get changed or cleaned up if you want, I’ll put the food away and do a little prep work for dinner. We have a lot of catching up to do. There a decent wine selection in the front hall closet—grab a bottle on your way back.’ …a toast to innocence… ‘To youth…God were we young…so.
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