After that, we were too busy listening to instructions, and practicing paddling techniques. In addition to the guide, who sat in an elevated chair with two long oars in the back of the raft, there were ten of us on the boat. We were the motive power, when such was needed, and the guide steered. We rowers straddled the wall of the inflatable craft, which put one foot inside and one foot outside. There were ropes we could hold on to, and each of us had a paddle.I won't go into the details of the trip. I'll just tell you that, should you ever get the opportunity to do this float, grab it. You see the canyon from a vantage point the regular tourists can't, and it's breathtaking.And then there's the adrenaline rush of floating lazily around a curve in the river and seeing the tumble of white water up ahead, perforated by big boulders that look like they might block the entire river. The current takes you around most of them, but occasionally you have to fend them off with your paddle, and. But, saying I had never felt pleasure like that before and I haven’t since, is also the truth. So, you know I’ve struggled with the whole pleasure guilt thing since we were kids. But I swear to you, I wouldn’t have gone as far as we did if I didn’t genuinely think I was ready. And I was excited Jamie. After feeling your mouth on me, I couldn’t wait for the rest. I don’t want to keep going because I don’t want to offend you.’ ‘I’m finally getting you to open up. It is impossible to offend me in this moment. Just keep going.’ ‘I don’t know how else to say it, but I didn’t like the way it felt when you put your fingers in there. Then I only imagined your penis being worse. I could’ve been wrong, but I wasn’t ready to find out. I knew at that moment I wasn’t ready to be what you wanted…what you deserved. You deserved someone who could be completely yours in every way. I spent the years after we broke up working on that part of me. Working on being willing to suffer discomfort for.
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