I do know that as caring and thoughtful as you have always been, you have loved me, but never been in love with me. That was not your fault. The truth is, if I hadn't become pregnant, you and I would never have been married. I guess it's why I've never felt secure, even though you have been a wonderful husband. You were handsome and charming and everything a woman could ask for, but I've never felt as if I deserved you. I've always felt that I trapped you, even if I didn't do it intentionally.I don't deserve you Kirk. Jamal is crude and even mean at times, but I find myself drawn to him, perhaps it is because we deserve each other -- the powerful and abusive man and the woman who deserves no better than to be his whore.I hope now you can find happiness, real happiness, the kind of happiness you've never had with me and never would.We will have left by the time you read this. Please let me go. I will not contest a divorce. I have taken some clothes and a few of my personal things.. I was thinking you could have any girl there, but you wanted me, and that was exciting. By the time you got to your encores, I just had to have you. I’ve done lots of making out and stuff, but never went all the way, obviously; but at that point, right then, it was like I would die if I didn’t do it.”“And then I walked away because of curfew.”“I was bummed, but I understood. I went to bed and thought about what it would be like, and got even more determined to do it. In the morning I went to your room, but you were gone. Your roommate told me you were at church, and that’s when I remembered you told me about that. The feeling kind of wore off by the time I came back in the afternoon. That’s why I had you sing to me. To see if I still felt the same way. I did.”“And now?” I asked warily.“I told you I’d do it again with you. You said you don’t have a girlfriend so if you ask me out I’ll say ‘yes’.”The fact I was going to be away meant I could put things off a bit to figure out how I.
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