“I-I was wondering if I could, well, ask you why you are allowing me to stay here?” he stammered.I sat up and turned on my lamp as I said, “Come in Bernie.”He opened the door and entered. His overalls were unfastened letting the straps dangle at his sides and his shirt was unbuttoned exposing a good bit of his chest. ‘Wow is he pale,I thought as he stood in the doorway with his head down wringing his hands.“Come sit,” I said patting the bed.“Thank you, Miss Anne,” he said and sat.I told him that I felt he needed a hand and I was able to offer that to him. He nodded as I spoke, and smiled when I said that this seemed a good opportunity to repay what others had done for me.“I am sorry you had troubles, Miss Anne,” he said looking up at me with his dark green eyes barely showing under his dark hair.“It was along time ago,” I said.Bernie touched my hand and a shiver ran up my spine. I stared down at my hand and when he asked if he could kiss me all I could do was nod my head. I didn’t. Nearly two decades after that fateful evening, I sit down to articulate my thoughts, and the guilt and pain are both unforgivably palpable.Kiran ordered dinner without really bothering about my preferences. Never expect chivalry from a bloody bull. I had to tell him that our crossing the line was a mistake and brought up the issue about him being in a committed relationship. He refused to accept that he was in a serious relationship and attempted to sound apologetic. But, behind his facade of empathy, I could clearly see an alpha-male being proud to add another feather to his cap.I gagged at the sight of the starters. He had ordered Cream of Asparagus soup and Chicken Lollipops. I knew in an instant what was going through his mind. His feeble attempts of sermonizing and seeking refuge under the “inevitability” clause did not offer me any comfort nor solace. I was beginning to hate him and hate myself even more. The American chop suey was too sweet and I drowned it in a copious amount.
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