Sincerely,Violet DAY EIGHT:O.K. Pal ! !WHAT IN THE SCREAMING HELL AM I GOING TO DOWITH EIGHT MAIDS-A-MILKING?JESUS!!!I THINK I PREFER THE GODDAMN BIRDS!THE GODDAMN MAIDS-A-MILKING HAD TO BRING THEIR GODDAMN COWS.THERE IS COW SHIT ALL OVER MY LAWN AND BIRD SHIT ALL OVER THE HOUSE.I CANNOT MOVE MY FEET.JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE,SMARTASS.DAY NINELISTEN SHITHEAD ! !YOU'RE A SADISTIC BASTARD!NOW I HAVE NINE PIPERS PIPING IN MY FRONT YARDAND THEY ARE STANDING KNEE DEEP IN COW SHIT.THIS AFTER CHASING THOSE MAIDS ALL NIGHT LONG. CONSEQUENTLY,UPSETTING THE COWS TO THE POINT THAT THEY ARE STEPPING ALL OVERTHOSE GODDAMN SCREECHING BIRDS.THE NEIGHBORS HAVE STARTED A PETITION TO EVICT ME.UP YOURS ! ! ! DAY TENYOU ROTTEN PRICK ! ! !NOW THERE'S TEN LADIES DANCING.I DON'T KNOW WHY I CALL THOSE SLUTS "LADIES".THEY'VE BEEN BALLING THOSE GODDAMN PIPERS ALL NIGHT LONG.NOW THE GODDAMN COWS CAN'T sleep AND THEY'VE GOT DIARRHEA!EVERYTHING HAS TURNED TO A RIVER OF SHIT ! !THE COMMISSIONER OF ZONING. Ron looked up and froze in mid sip. His eyes were wide and his breathing stopped for a second. "Here's the deal," I said, trying not to let my voice waiver. "If you tell ANYBODY about this, I'll flat out deny it and tell everyone you're a liar. And then I'll probably have to kick your ass later." Ron remained motionless."However," I said as I walked closer to him, "if you accept my terms, you're probably in for a very fun night." What are the terms?" Ron said quickly."Well," I began, "it's a pretty simple deal. You tell no one. There is no kissing. I do not want you to suck my dick, I do not want to fuck your ass. This is a one time deal unless I approach you again. Other than that," I said with a smile, "you can pretty much have what you want."Ron swallowed hard. "Uh... sure. I had no idea... " And we're going to keep it that way for everyone else," I said as I cut him off. "Also, since we all just signed up for life insurance at work... and had to take an AIDS test... which you.
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