"No, mom," I replied, "lipstick's for girls, not boys." Don't be silly," mother responded. "Don't you think I know that? I'm not saying you should wear it all the time, or outside, or to school. Just here, darling. Just for fun. Just for mommy. To make her happy. Please, honey? I'd love to see how you'd look. I bet you'd be darling."I paused. All at once mother's smile was replaced by a severe scowl. She closed the tube of lipstick and placed it on the vanity."Well," she huffed, "if you don't want to please your mother, you can go live with someone else. Or go to an orphanage. But I want you out of my room. I don't want to have anything to do with a boy who doesn't love his mother enough to play a harmless little game with her. Tomorrow I want you out of my house. You can find someplace else to live or I'll put you up for adoption."I was scared -- really scared! This time it sounded as if she really meant it. So I quickly changed my tune."I was just kidding, mommy," I said, "just. " She went off inside her head, again, revisiting that summer romance."When I realized he had really and truly left me, I was relieved ... I NEEDED to rediscover me, before I became one of those helpless, useless, women that can't exist without a man to tell her what to do. It hurt so much that I did without - men that is - for the next four years. It's amazing how long a girl can go without a lover, when you let your heart get broken by someone who was never worthy of it, to begin with."Catherine snuggled in deeper, driving out the air between us, as she bared her soul before sharing with me what it is she wanted out of our relationship. I was determined to let her talk until she found the words she was searching for so anxiously.It was a long time in coming. Catherine shared all her love affairs that came before that summer, and the few that she experienced after it. As I listened and absorbed all she had to tell me, I realized Catherine was talking to Catherine, and I just happened.
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