I wish I could just feel nothing, but that’s not how my life works. I feel everything. It’s amplified to such a degree that it I can feel my heart break and my skin crawl. It’s like my soul is screaming, and not just about my relationship, it screams about everything.’ ‘Then why do you do it?’ ‘Because when I’m with him, all I feel is happy. My brain quiets down. It feels simple, which I know it’s not.’ ‘Is he leaving his wife?’ ‘We don’t talk about that.’ ‘Why?’ She got quiet again. I sighed. ‘I know it’s sad,’ she whispered. ‘But in a lot of ways he’s the only connection I feel like I have to the world. Like without him, I just wouldn’t matter or exist.’ ‘What does he get from the relationship?’ ‘You’re his best friend, what do you think?’ ‘I think Jennie likes being a trophy wife and the two of them stopped communicating years ago. So you’re filling the void.’ ‘Maybe,’ she said. ‘But he made his choice. And he loves her. And he wants to grow old with her. I’m just — a stop.’ ‘A. After wards she'd go to her room and lock her door, which she never did in the past. I went to bed and imagined her naked beside me. Her shiny red hair splayed out across the pillow, and her pale skin glowing in the dim light. I brought myself to orgasm thinking about her red bush timed enough her lips were fully exposed. One day I went to the video store, and found a movie about twin sisters. It had a nude scene with one of the sisters. Friday night we ordered pizza and made popcorn. I put the movie in and sat beside Rebecca as normal. As we watched the movie I went to the kitchen as the scene came up. I watched as Rebecca leaned forward and pressed her elbow into her pelvis. Looking up, she didn't see me. She put her hand between her legs then crossed them, pressing her hand tightly against her vagina. I said loud enough for her to here me if she needed more to drink. Quickly she pulled her hand away. Yes, please she answered. Coming back, I noticed her top was crumpled over her.
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