” (winking furiously)Carole (in horror): “But, b-but, you’re a midget!”First Elf: “SIZIST COW! Anyway, I’m taller than I look. And I have a ladder. So how about it?”Mary Christmas: “Stop that as well, we haven’t got time for that! Where’s the bloody reindeers? RUDOPLH! WHERE ARE YOU RUDY? Get here now!” Enter Stage Right a tall muscular naked black man, who has a very large erect red penis, smoking a fragrant fat home-rolled cigarette which appears to be comprised of several cigarette papers stuck together.Mary Christmas: “Ah! There you are Rudy! Come on, we’ve got work to do – get the others rounded up and in front of the damned sleigh, will you?”Rudy The Red Knobbed Reindeer (dragging deeply on the cigarette, then exhaling slowly): “Yah, mon….no problem!”Rudy exits stage right slowly, giggling.Carole: “But, but, but, but….he’s not a real reindeer, he’s a big black man with an enormous cock! His antlers are stuck on the side of his head with Blu-Tack!”Mary Christmas: “Yes, but he. “Well, I guess I should make up the bed in the guest room if you want to stay here.”“I don't want to impose. I can get a motel room.”“Nonsense. It's late. You must be tired. Try to get a good night's sleep, and we'll talk after we have breakfast. How do you like your eggs?” I asked.“A bachelor who cooks? I think I'll make breakfast. May I see your kitchen?” Amy asked.“I'll give you the grand tour. It should take you about ten seconds to see everything my kitchen has to offer.”We went in the kitchen and I opened the refrigerator and pantry.“Hmmm, scrambled eggs, sausage, toast, jelly, orange juice, and coffee. Would that be OK?” Amy smiled at me.“I'll make the coffee, but I like it strong. I grind my own,” I said.“Black, no sugar. You're on,” she said.“Do you have an overnight bag?”“In the car.”We went outside, and I got the bag out of her car trunk. Back in the house, I said, “Come with me.” I went upstairs, and Amy followed. I walked into the guest room and set her.
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