“I suppose the saw finally did him in.”“No”, says the nurse, “Some dopey bastard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated”.✧ ✧ ✧My friend’s wife left him last week, she said she was going out to get some milk and never came backI asked him how he was copingHe said “not bad, I’m using that powdered stuff”✧ ✧ ✧I hate it when I go to check my Facebook and I’m rudely interrupted by joggers bouncing off my windscreen!Default✧ ✧ ✧We’ve just come back from a holiday in Spain; my wife didn’t enjoy it because everyone spoke English and the food was like we eat at home.Next holiday I want to go somewhere where they eat weird stuff and you can’t understand a word they say!So I’ve just booked a fortnight in Scotland.What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet and social media?I asked my 26 siblings and they didn’t know eitherMy teacher told me I’d be no good at poetry due to my dyslexia, but so far I’ve made three jugs and a vase’ so fuck you Mr SmiffI’m fed up with people. "Well now you are my little girl I can’t call you Kevin now can I?" said my Mum “Now come and sit down Karen, lets get started". I was sat down on a stool at my Mums dressing table. My mum noticed I had shaved myself in the bath but unfortunately I had missed a few places. They took great delight in waxing my lower back which had a little light hair, and even greater delight in waxing what my mum called my bikini line. I was sat on the stool, legs spread and my Mum and Aunt took turns in waxing my groin area. I was screaming in pain and they were laughing at me and really enjoying it. The pain helped get rid of my erection though. It was strange having my Mums and Aunts hands down by cock and balls and a couple of times my Aunts hand just brushed my cock and I thought she may have even given me a naughty look. Next they put curlers in my hair, which was just long enough as I had been trying to grow it to look like a cool surfer (which hadn’t really worked). Next they painted.
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