"That's how it should be, right?" Right? Right? Was that a question. A rhetorical question? A direct question? Was that a question directed at me, or God or my car? If I say, 'No. That's not how it should be. That's not at all what I had hoped for, ' would she slap my face, and running screaming to her mother, my father? Or is it the other way around? Open-ended, up to me? Is she putting it to me to decide the fate of our relationship? I swallowed hard, but there was no mucus so my throat stuck fast like thick tar."OK," I said, tentatively."OK," said Lily, seemingly reassured. Reassured of what, though? But when she patted my hand and opened the car door, I knew. I had had it all wrong. I wasn't going up there to rescue her. To carry her off. To get to have her. I closed my eyes for a split second. Oh yeah, this is reality. You can get away with an errant blow job. But don't expect that mistake to happen again.When I got out of the car, my legs were weak. I suddenly felt tired. Like. "If you don't want to see Tim, why go to the bother of writing that letter ... Oh you do want to see him." Jas. That is not fair. All I am doing is passing on the message. Tim should have phoned you, but he ducked out. I am not going to get involved any more than passing on his words. But I warn you, be prepared for some harsh words." Pippa listened for a moment then put her hand over the microphone."Jas says this Friday at your place, seven-thirty is that ok?" I nodded,"He says yes, Jas."I waited impatiently that Friday. I was ready for Jas's arrival at seven. I spent the next half hour pacing up and down, arguing with myself and making frequent trips to the window every time I heard a car. At seven-thirty one, I was convinced that Jas wasn't coming. The bell rang at seven-thirty three.I opened the door."Hello Jas." She looked frightened."Hello Tim." I held the door and stepped back a little, my body language inviting her to step in. She made a move as if she wanted me to take her in.
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