For the rest of that day, I sat in the hotel suite and read the letter again and again. Mother, it seemed, was deeply hurt by my abandoning of her - of our final harsh words. Gary wrote that a part of her seemed to have died that day - and he was forever after, jealous of how his wife felt about her only son, recognizing a bond that he could never have with her as I had. He also made it plain that there was nothing she would not do for me - more than he had ever asked her to do. It reminded me of my hurt-full dissertation of her seven years before and I wondered if Gary was suggesting something more sordid than caring for my middle-aged widow-mom?The next day I drove the luxury rental car to Gary's and mom's home - to see at least a half-dozen cars out front and in the lane. I thought to keep driving, that these were only people come to pay their respects and would interfere with my confrontation with mother. But then I saw the front door open and a young man come out holding a wide. I dreamed about us. She was older and we were able to be together. Some time during the night before daybreak she got out of bed and got dressed and snuck back home. When I woke up I missed her. I didn’t see her for a couple of weeks. I was mowing the lawn and stopped to talk with my neighbor. He asked me if I heard the big news? I said, “What news?” He asked if I knew the family down the street with the teenage daughter named Courtney. I just nodded my head yes. He said the last week she turned up pregnant and that her father confessed to having sex with her once recently. They arrested him and he plead guilty and is serving time in the county jail. They mother shipped Courtney off to live with some aunt and is selling the house. I looked at him and all I could say was, “Wow.” I excused myself and went inside. She was gone. I would never see her again. Even though we couldn’t be really together I felt a bond with her. Much more then just the sex. My heart hurt. Did this mean I loved.
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