Barely enough. On the other hand, those afternoons and evenings with Oona were the things that had kept me sane for all these years.Even if I visited the place only twice a year now, all the people there knew me. Why wouldn’t they - she had been the most long-term patient for some time now. Against all odds, she had kept on breathing, refusing to die, just lying there with her empty eyes occasionally open. I knew that some of the staff didn’t want to visit her room, and for sure I didn’t want Oona to see her. Oona had seen pictures of her, pictures from the time when she still has the happy and lively person she used to be. She. Just when did I stop thinking about her as Elisa?Once again I was in her room, with my work face on and walls raised. That was the only way I could be there and stay sane. I told her - her, not Elisa - about Oona, about how she was growing and what she was doing. I forced myself to touch her hand, since it didn’t really feel like touching another human. After a minute, I shivered and then felt flushed again.I decided to run a bath, to have a plausible reason for being up so late. My parents knew I enjoyed soaking in the tub late at night when I couldn't sleep, a habit I still have today.I started my bath, and while the hot water ran in the old claw-footed tub, I closed my eyes and again the images of what I had seen burned in my mind. He had been seated in his wingback chair in front of our fireplace, the glow of the embers shining off her skin as she knelt naked before him.I stopped the water, slipped off my nightshirt, and lowered myself into the steaming water. I relaxed and let the heat loosen my tense muscles.As the room filled with steam, I closed my eyes and tried to enjoy myself. I ran my hands over my body, forcing waves of heated water over my body. As my hands passed over my small breasts, I gasped. When my palms brushed my nipples, they had reacted as though I were standing in front of an open freezer, suddenly.
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