He said, "Do you have any rye bread?" Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"He said, "I want 5 loaves."She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."Selling BiblesA pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was. Using his time economically, he thought of hisnext job as the man spoke, making a mental checklist: silencers, curare,a pear-shaped vibrator, a chastity belt, and plenty of pink electricaltape. Tools of the trade."It's not exactly as if the boy will be separated from anything he'llreally miss," the man in the armchair was saying. His voice, naturallynot his own, had been programmed and remixed from old movies. It was amash-up of the voices of Cary Grant, Robert Mitchum, and, of all people,Marlene Dietrich. "Well..." he started, but could not go further. He wasdoubled over, guffawing uncontrollably, the tears streaming down hisface. Apparently, he'd accidentally pressed the button that activated alaugh track.J. Loft supplied what should have been the punchline. "Not anythingexcept, perhaps, his life."* * * The man in the black suit looks at a small pastel-colored business cardin the palm of his hand and says: "Are you Mr. Gregory Tanner?" No," Kenny says, but the encounter has.
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