He was smarter than his laid back demeanor led me to believe, which was a relief. When my preconceptions got out of the way, he was a pretty cool guy. As we kept smoking, I reflected on how I view people and what that must mean I think of myself. I hid in a shell of insecurity, assuring myself that I chose not to socialize because nobody at my school was worth getting to know. I told myself that everyone was basically a tool who was there on mommy and daddy’s dime, which to be fair is only probably true of about 70% of that school’s population. I seemed to be in the company of a thirty percenter. We had grown closer and more engaged in conversation as the bowl that we had been smoking turned to ash. I felt a heady sensation and a tingle in my spine, and our knees brushed. I felt like a rush of energy surged through where our skin touched and sent my blood rushing throughout my body. I was sure that my face was crimson, and I felt a wetness and a longing stirring under my skirt. He. .I feel out to heal. as I always have done AND get stoppedcold by...that feeling of balance. Something MUST be paid to BALANCE thescales out...to keep the gates of hell closed. I hold on to her hand forfar too long but, she does not pull away from me, as I must be makingher 'feel' good. I finally let go of her hand."Your welcome...name?" I ask.She says 'Madelyn' then nods and walks off.After she goes off. I put my face in my hands and near start to cry."What? Kyley I can near feel that off you!" Becky asks me...more thanfeeling the now growing sadness in me.I pull up my shields fast...I say to Becky in that older language. Wenow use for secrets "That child is sick, she is so...near death! AND Ican't help!" What? I don't understand?"I get up from the table..."Outside with this...not here?" Becky standsto join me on my walk out.Once outside and far off from the building.I stop Becky on the path back to my home. To talk "What is wrong Becky.Is that nothing stopped me from healing anyone.
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