.. I started having flashbacks... of my dad... raping me. Some of it I'd never even remembered before. It was like having sex unlocked a door with all this shit behind it." How long ago did this happen?" he asked softly.She hung her head. "Like... like three years ago," she said, her voice trailing off as if in shame.He lifted her chin with a finger. "Being a victim of abuse is not a character flaw. It's not your fault, Julie." Thanks, Bobby," she said gratefully. They sat silent for a while.Eventually, Bobby said, "Are you sure you want to try? I'm afraid we'd be opening that door again, without someone there to know what to do if you... have those memories come back." I want to try," she said. "I mean, if I'm ever going to be with another guy, without drugs, I've got to get past this."He sat silent for a while. Finally, he said, "Okay." Julie smiled at him gratefully. "I want to help you, Julie. But just as friends," he added. "I still don't think being your boyfriend is what you. He later said that as he placed the ties in place, his stomach was now doing somersaults at the thought of what he was condemning me too knowing now what was to happen and he remembered thinking ‘god knows what Dawn must be going through waiting the pain she knows is to come !’ As he stooped to secure my last wrist I silently mouthed to Andy that I loved him. He nodded his actions telling me it was mutual. He returned to Ray and was given the choice of standing behind me or in front. He didn`t want to see the pain on my face or my tears so he chose to stand behind me out of my line of sight, I was glad as I would have cracked much earlier seeing his face during the caning. Ray now picked up a cane and swished it about then took a stand behind me and started to stroke my arse and rub a finger between my cheeks, the touch was electric and I knew now where the first blow would strike. I sensed him standing back the cane in hand now just touching the target, positioning it,.
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