On Friday, I would probably know if we had any future.I thought about who I was and what I wanted. Did I want this marriage to continue? Did I love Edie? I deliberately avoided telling her I loved her. I wasn't sure myself and so it was better not to mislead her if I had lost that love. How would I know? I once read that the test for love was to imagine your life without your partner. Divorce, death, whatever reason ... how would I carry on?Could I get past her deceit those many years ago and forgive her? At first I didn't think so. But now ... now I'm not so certain. She couldn't take it back. She couldn't make it right at this late date. Could I live with that as well? She had to admit to her sin before I could decide. She had to acknowledge that she had inflicted another deep wound in me.And what about this act I had performed. The new, dominant Howard Carver. It was an act. I knew that. Could I sustain it? I doubted it. Perhaps in some less aggressive and challenging form.. John is hooked. Over dinner, they talk and find they have a great deal of mutual interests; music, movies, and travel top the list. Emma feels a warm sense with John; and yet a sense of concern. She has one simple, inviolable rule with men: Never sleep with a man on the first date. Yet she understands that a man of John's age and experience will want to be with a woman who knows what she wants, and goes for it. John will want a woman who wants him. As he pays the check, John looks at her and asks, “What now, fair lady?” Emma finds herself flustered (the “l” word does that to her) and she blurts out, “I can't sleep with you!” John looks hurt, confused and amused all at the same time. “Emma, I wasn't implying that, I apologize that you thought that. I respect you and I don't think you're easy. I was thinking that you want to go for a nightcap.” Emma sighs and realizes she's overreacted; she apologizes for her outburst. She explains to John that she has this one rule she will never.
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