I walked her this way into the bedroom, hoping she wouldnt notice the painful boner prodding her bottom. At her bedside I flipped the covers back, turned her to face me, lowered her onto the bed, and lifted her feet up onto the sheet. Penny lay back, grunted soft as a happy piglet, and then looked up at me like a little girl at bedtime. She said in a very small voice, Dont leave me alone, and moved sideways to clear space on the bed. I smiled and sat beside her. Not knowing quite what to do next, I started rubbing her big belly again. Yeah, good, ohhhhhh, good! she breathed. I massaged her slowly, moving my hand in widening circles until I was caressing the warm flesh from her sternum to below her navel. Like her breasts, her belly was too big and dense to collapse when she lay on her back. Starting at the hollow of her breastbone, it rose six inches in a shallow arc, continued south past the sexy well of her navel, then swooped down to meet the top of her pubic mound. My hand. . so, at least I got home OK.The wife's back on the warpath again.She was up for making a home video last night and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport."Nationality?" asks the immigration officer."German," she replies."Occupation?"No, just here for a few days."As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense.
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