Madison had even bought me a vibrator, I just hadn’t been ready to use it. I guess I was easing myself into it, content to let the desire build and build until I let it out by rubbing my thighs together against my Mickey Mouse blanket. There was something about it, the texture, the release after waiting for weeks. But a lot of times it overwhelmed me emotionally, and I started crying. Once Madison had heard me, rushing into the bedroom to check on me. I had only been wearing a t-shirt, afraid that she knew what I had just been doing. And with the orgasm still not yet subsidized and my tears falling, my sister had held me, cuddling me until I calmed down. And after…It embarrassed me how I remembered it rather than what happened. I tried to tell myself it was natural. That I was just too inexperienced, because I couldn’t deny the truth of it. It had been the best sex of my life.Is masturbation sex? Not technically, but emotionally? Mentally? I like to think sexual expression is still. I couldn't believe it. I'd never even seen Tyrone upset, yet alone angry enough to shatter someone's knee(which I didn't think was possible). Now I'm terrified, I never thought he'd hurt me. but to know he has that much rage in him was frightening. So we agreed to tell him together on monday after school cause he'd be at Leah's family's gym, he could work his anger out there. The next day was the most romantic and special days of my life. Tyrone cooked us an amazing lunch, he took me to an absolutely gorgeous spot in a campground we had a picnic, laid in the shade and talked and he held me. I never felt more safe than I did in his arms. But at times what I had done would pop in my mind. And I could think was, "All of this will end, cause of what I did." And in the most grandiose gesture Ty got a local band and serenaded me with the song that was playing at the homecoming dance when I made my move, My First Love by Avant. On the way home I was super horny and felt super guilty. While.
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