! On atleast two occasions in my life I have had friends who knew that they werepresently going to die. I would like to have addressed this with them, ifI could, but the conventions forbade it. People wonder how it feels toknow you're presently going to die, but that's something you don't ask. But now that I am facing my own imminent extinction I'm going totalk about it, & the conventions be damned. I have been diagnosed with anessentially incurable leukemia, & as I write this I'm, for all practicalpurposes, dead meat. (People are beginning to bandy the word, "hospice,"about.) (Details presently.) I apologize for springing this on you so suddenly, but I've alwaystended to avoid the moribund, myself. They give me the creeps--as if theywere bad juju. I don't know whether other people share this superstition,but the dying are never treated normally. So many things you mustn't talkabout when they're about... Since I wanted to be treated the same asalways, I have kept my mouth. "Helen," I said, "I feel like the luckiest man in the world to have had your love for a whole night like this, and I don't want it to end." Neither do I Clarke, though it must eventually, you do realise that, don't you?" Common sense tells me something as good as this can't last forever, though I wish it could. Helen, why do you keep calling me Clarke, my name is Ken." Is it? But your name badge said Clarke KenT. I thought Ken was your surname, but in any case I like Clarke better so I am going to keep calling you that, if you don't mind; you don't mind, do you?" Not if it's what you want to do." And then I asked the question that had been buzzing away at my sub conscious ever since Saturday night; "Which department do you work in?"Helen laughed - it was more of an amused chuckle really. "I don't work for the paper, Clarke." Then how come you were at the staff Christmas Party?" To meet you, of course. Now, you ask too many questions. Be satisfied with the present, Clarke, until.
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