The transvestites were all 'ship girls.' I guess business was slow because they had to take jobs to augment their income from the Japanese shrimp boats. They stuck together and provided a bit of colour to the workplace.All of us dopers naturally hung about together as well.One woman became part of our group. Her name was Leila, a short, big breasted Israeli, and Dave, her boyfriend, a bushy haired, bearded hippie dude.The goods-service area at the back of the building became our lunch time haunt. It was rarely used at the time and was the perfect place to smoke a bit of dope before going back to the grind.One lunchtime, I noticed that Leila looked a little quiet. Not her usual ebulient self."Hey! you out of it today?" I asked her."No," she replied, "Dave's leaving and I've got nobody to sleep with."Now if I'd been a bit more confident, well a lot more, I would have immediately volunteered myself. But in those days it never occured to me that a woman might find me attractive."Shit,. Maybe he should write Carol a letter and tell her why he did it, and lie and tell her it wasn't her fault so she won't feel so bad; but she wouldn"t blame herself anyway, so it's pointless.Still, a letter might be good; but then it's not like she'll care all that much anyway. I'll just be out of her hair. His dad would think him a loser; but then, he did already. What if she decides to come back to me? Nah. That ship has sailed. False hope really isn't better than none at all. Finally, he was ready; he said his final prayer, and closed his eyes, and lifted the gun--And then he thought of something that stopped him for good. What happens after you die? Hell didn't matter. He was in Hell now.But what if he had a chance to see her in the next life? What if he could make her understand? What if he had a chance to have a place in her heart again, in some other world? And what if he'd be screwing that chance up if he killed himself? He put the gun away and went to bed, just as the sun was.
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