Given a day or two, he would trace your history back to birth with all the mistakes you made along the way. If a boy was caught in the girl’s toilets at school Alec would find out about it. He employed people to do the gumshoe jobs, he also had financial experts who could analyse your accounts and find every little fiddle you’d tried to get away with. He didn’t come cheap but he was the best.‘Hello Alec, Ronald Shaftoe, I’ve got a job for you.’‘That’s usually why you call me. Who do you want checked out?’‘His name is Robert McIntyre; he is sales director for Barnsdale Insurance. I’ll email you everything I have on him.’‘So how much do you want to know?’‘Everything, I want to know when he takes a shit. I want to know if he ever cheated on an exam. I want to know if he cheats on his wife and if so with whom. I want to know if he fiddles his expenses. Anything you can find out really. I’ll give you two weeks.’‘Right you are Mr Shaftoe. This seems like a lot more than an employee check.. Compared with what I wore in Manchester, it was very tame,but, for my family, it was very much a "new me". "Well, dea,r" saidMother nervously, "it is certainly an improvement on last year, but don'tyou think it is just a bit effeminate? We wouldn't want our friends tothink you had become "gay", would we?" Stop picking on Kerris, Mother," interjected Madeleine. "You've beenbanging onto him for years to smarten his act up. I think he looks verynice. The "metro-sexual" look is all the rage at the moment and, foronce, Kerris is slap bang up to date!" Fiona chimed in supportingMadeleine and Dad knew better than to get involved in an argument betweenhis women! I was pleased that Madeleine had stood up for me because, if Iam honest, I had wondered whether I had gone a step too far. The momentpassed and the five of us left the house and climbed into Dad's car. Thistime I squeezed into the back with the girls, whilst Mum rode up front.Madeleine breathed in my ear; "Are you wearing a thong.
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