I shiver, wanting for a moment to claw them back and scream that they’re mine, but it’s too late. He draws more out of me, things I never knew about myself, things I see instantly and then forget as they leave me. I feel like there are only shadows left inside me, and I know this is all wrong and it’s not a transcendent and mystical experience at all, it’s vampiric and perverse and I can’t stop him and this isn’t a trip at all, this isn’t the drugs, oh god it’s all real and this thing is taking away everything and I can’t make it stop stop stop STOP! There’s a terrible breaking sensation as the tulpa calves away from me like a slab of ice falling away from a glacier, and I instantly know we’ve done something terrible. I fall a million miles back into my own body in a heartbeat, and I run from the ashram with tears streaming from my eyes. ***** An hour later, I still haven’t entirely come down. Some food helped-I don’t feel quite as hollow as I did when I stumbled through the. ...I said I had a couple of hours to pass till I met my girlfriend, he suggested I should go to the soft porno cinema The Classic Grand on Jamaica Street. So off I went..no queues, thankfully, straight in, paid my £2 entrance money and passed the usherette selling porno Mags instead of ice creams. The cinema was dark and the screen lite the place up.....I ventured down to the side and sat down, there couldn’t have been more than a few dozen people in. The film was pretty tame but within the local legal restraints. After about half an hour an old guy came in a sat next to me...strange I thought...lots of empty rows in front and behind me. He sat for a few minutes then mumbled something about the action on the screen....next thing he reaches over and takes my hand and places it on his exposed erection covered in nylon...he says ...”.....can you wank me off?.....I’m wearing my wife’s tights too...you okay with that?”...by this time I had a semi watching the screen action.....I sort of.
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