And she kept a diary, which she'd started from when she was oh! so young. And in this diary, she recorded every fuck, every sexual act, but not those on stage, and awarded each one a coded description and a mark out of ten.She'd always done this. Some people's diaries are a record of their innermost thoughts. An account of their feelings, their ambitions, their worries and their happiness. Others are a more objective account of events, perhaps noting people and places. Amy didn't even bother with names. Even initials were suspect. After all, she couldn't expect to know the name of everyone she'd had sex with. Her diary entries were brief and to the point. She would mention gender, number and any especially pertinent feature of the occasion. And then a mark out of ten. Occasionally, she might add a comment, like 'Took too long', 'Tiny prick' or 'Smelly'. And that was it. To anyone reading her diary, it might as well be a shopping list.She had her diary in front of her, cross-legged on. Her body was warm and it wasn't just the summer heat. The thin layer ofperspiration and the clamminess throughout her body was a product ofsomething more. The increase in her heart rate could not be attributed tophysical activity. She was needy and the more she thought about theparade, the more her right hand inched down her torso.Jessica's youthful indoctrination had kicked in several times that nightalready.'This is wrong.''This is sinful.''You aren't supposed to want these things.'It had activated the same way the first time she fantasized about a boyand discovered how moist she was below. The first time she had kissed one.Every time, as a young woman, that she had worn a skirt that wasn't longenough for the Sisters liking or makeup that made her look "like a hussy."She was so sick of it all. Sick of the shame and guilt. Sick of theancient texts, pointless rituals and thankless menial labor dominating herlife. Sick of powerful men lying and looking down on her. Sick of beingdenied.
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