Drake is fine, if you’re going to freak out about it,’ I joked. He made a sound that I supposed was his version of a laugh, and I grinned. I turned to the door as I heard Nick come in. Scott stood immediately, his hands automatically linking behind his back. ‘Hi,’ I said softly, walking to the door. ‘Hello, love,’ Nick said warmly, kissing my cheek. ‘Scott,’ he added with a nod. ‘Did I interrupt?’ I shrugged. ‘We were taking a tear-induced break, I guess.’ Nick brushed a thumb across my cheek, looking at me with concern. I smiled reassuringly. Scott began gathering his things. ‘Let’s cut this session short,’ he said. ‘We can make up the time on Tuesday.’ The breathing exercises worked. I still had moments where I’d feel myself wavering on the brink of tears, but by now Scott seemed able to read my body language. He would calmly remind me to breathe and focus. He didn’t push me, but I also knew he wouldn’t let me make any excuses. I was still rather intimidated by him and for some. Sometimes, I was more lonely in a relationship than when I was actually alone. Sure, the pleasantries were nice enough. I managed to enjoy dates, sex, even the obligatory pronouncements of “I love you”. Yet I always felt that there should be more, something to lift me above the mundane.A castoff, a shadow, alone: that was the usual perception of myself.Tonight was like any other Saturday night. I was going to my favorite upscale bar; a secluded bar tucked into the back corner of a restaurant where I couldn’t actually afford to eat. As always, I’d be trying to fill a void. I was on a mission, craving the embrace of a man even if, mentally, it left me feeling even more lonely. Physically, maybe, it would fill some unspoken basic need, the void permeating my life and soul.I went straight to my favorite spot at the bar and ordered a margarita, needing the liquid courage to survive another night of people watching and wondering what I was really seeking. The bartender, quite attractive,.
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