I was 19 and he was a few months from turning 30. Steve took my virginity. He taught me so much and we both had lots of fun. But I wasn’t in love with Steve and our breakup was not pretty. After about a year I told him I wanted to end our relationship.Steve yelled and said some mean things to me. He would call me late at night cursing at me. He waited for me outside of work to convince me not to leave him. It was bad. One day Steve begged me to come over his place and I refused. Then he said his friend Carl would come over too so I would feel safe. I liked Carl. He and his wife used to hang out with Steve and me and we always had a good time. Carl was a few years older than Steve and was bigger than Steve. Carl came to pick me up (I had no car) and drive me over. Things got really ugly once I got to Steve’s place real fast. Steve started yelling and threw his own lamp against the wall. Carl jumped in and told him that it was enough. Carl and I left with Steve huffing and puffing. I. I knew this season would be a long lonely time. My mom and dad want me to fly home to Cleveland for the holidays but I need to face my demons. It was the third Saturday in November. I normally would spend all day stringing lights outside. Marie would get up at the crack of dawn to start decorating the inside of the house. We would then ride to our favorite restaurant out in the country. We would dress to the nines and toast the start of the holiday season. I wept as I looked at the boxes stacked up in the basement. I felt awful knowing the happy times would not be here this year. I fought my sad thoughts as long as I could. I knew I was destined to just cry it out. I thought of Marie merrily bugging me to load the CD changer with Christmas music. I could almost see her coming down the stairs dressed in a festive dress teasing me by showing a little thigh. Her infectious laugh asking if the house looked good. I have no shame as I weep myself weak. My loss is so great. Thankfully.
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