I fell in love with Ben. He was so sweet and different. It was easy to start a romance with him because during Jake’s visit to Arizona his father became terribly ill. As a result, Jake stayed there with him to keep a close eye on him. I don’t know how Jake found out about the affair and I don’t know when he found out. All I know is that it’s all my fault. I never told Ben about Jake. According to his knowledge Jake doesn’t even exist. One fateful day though changed everything. We were in my living room eating pizza and discussing work and before I know it Jake walks in on super speed. He didn’t say anything. But I knew from the minute we made eye contact, I was about to die. He knew about my infidelity. He knew everything. I never got to find out how or why he knew. All I know is that he did. He knew. He had a gun. He decided to use them. He killed Ben, and then he killed himself. The scene traumatized me. It was almost as if I was watching a movie. I couldn’t believe what had just. We were three stories up, looking down on a busy side street, the buildings opposite looked their age, with little balconies on the second tier, one of which caught my eye, or should I say, I caught his, as he was staring directly at me, but I braved it and stood my ground, letting him take in the view, convincing myself I looked like a boy from that distance, and as suddenly as he looked he averted his gaze in another direction, and I cursed my lack of breasts, desperate to attract men to want me.There was a knock on the room door, and mother called out to see if I wanted to go walk-a-bouts, 'Yes', I called back, 'Give me a moment', as I turned back to see if the man across the street was looking again, he wasn't.The door knocked again and I could feel my teenage angst rise, 'Fuck', flashed through my angry brow, and I marched to the locked door and opened it.I stood framed in the doorway, one hand on the frame and the other on the open door, like a crucifiction without the cross,.
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