”How did she know all this? I asked myself as I made a mental note to check out those magazines she was always reading like Cosmo or what were the other ones called?She said, “In your case I think that surrendering control would allow you to experience anal sex without being responsible for wanting it. Kinda like if you were being ****d or tied up; you’re not in control of what happens and must comply. If you’re not in control, you still remain heterosexual even during homosexual sex.”I became defensive, “See I knew you’d think I was gay or something.”She gave me a passionate kiss and whispered, “Don’t be silly I know you’re not gay. Being gay is a sexual orientation and lifestyle, not a physical sex act. You can even have sex with a man and still not be gay. It called experimenting, being kinky, or open minded. Anal sex is simply another way to experience sexual gratification it’s completely unrelated to your sexual identity.”Needless to say I didn’t need much convincing. My cock was. We had found the journal while cleaning up the attic earlier that day at dad's request. It had been tucked away behind a myriad of boxes, stashed in an unlocked safe box. The fact that the journal had been relatively new and that someone had made the effort to hide it piqued our interest. And so, we'd retreated to my bedroom, with the intention of finding out what was inside.“Fuckin' open it already, Rena!” Nathan said, unable to contain his excitement.“Okay, okay, hold your horses.” I pulled my dark hair behind my shoulders and lifted the book, unsnapped the latch, and opened the journal to the first page. I could see Nathan in my peripheral bouncing with anticipation. My twenty-three year old brother had clearly reverted back into an eight year old. It was hard to believe he was four years older than me sometimes.“Well...?” He asked.“It's mom's handwriting...” I said, mostly to myself.“Holy crap, read it!”“January 29th of this year,” I read. “Diary, I caught myself staring at.
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