Here, now, I pull him into a closet and lock the door. I get on my knees and unfasten his tuxedo pants, struggling to reach the zipper under his ridiculous purple cummerbund. By this time the mother of the bride has gotten wind of what’s happening and she’s enlisted the help of the maid of honor to batter the goddamn door down before it’s too late. I smile to myself. My name is infamous to these people. The chastity guard are beating at the door as only two women determined to prevent the ultimate shaming of their beloved girl can. He begins to waver when what he thought was going to be a secret, just one final, farewell blow job from the psycho ex-girlfriend (funny how the psycho prefix is generally added as punishment for enjoying sex a little too much) is looking like it could become the ruin of the many relationships he has built with this woman in the process of merging of their lives into one. I quickly take the ‘situation’ in hand and ram it aggressively into my mouth, as far. So I had a lot of catching up to do before Monday rolled around, and I had to go to work. Tim had a big test and a paper due at the end of the week, so he spent most of his time on the computer and in his room studying. It was around 9:50 on Thursday night, and I had just come down to the family room to relax. Tim had turned on the TV. I sat next to him and asked if he was all set for tomorrow’s test.“All set, Mom.” Tim was flipping through the channels and said, “Not much on now. I missed most of Elementary.”Tim started to get up and leave. When he was halfway off the couch, I held his arm and asked, “Do you want me to call Bill?”Tim sat back down and nodded.I reached over Tim and got the phone from the end table. I started dialing, and Tim hit the speakerphone button.Bill: “Hello.”Me: “Hi, Bill, it’s me.”Bill laughed and said, “I know. I have Caller ID. You should get that. It’s a nice feature.”Me: “I know, but I don’t want to spend the money right now.”Bill: “Hey, did you see.
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