Through my stories I get a chance to create and sustain a world according to how I would do it were I God, or if I had the courage, or the personality, to run for political office. I get to dispense justice to the people whom I do not like without consequences, and I get to reward the nice people (my friends and me in disguise?) handsomely with abiding love, fabulous riches, happy families, successful careers and satisfying sex even if they do not look like supermodels. With this realization, the last of my motives for writing comes under scrutiny. I think that it is very important to me that I say the things that I want to say and that I do not do this anonymously, an ironic statement since I say what I feel I must under the pseudonym ‘Cinner’. With this in mind, the question of my courage emerges. The desire to be heard may be the spark that lit my conflagration, but the fuel behind it is that I cannot allow myself to stop until I have said it all, for to do that will prove to me. Either you stayed up until the game was over or the game ended unfinished when one or both of the players preferred sleep to wining."Why did you feel compelled to lure the Baldwin girl over here?" Suzanne asked as I carefully placed the chess pieces in their case."I needed to talk to her. We hadn't seen each another for a week," I answered."I understand that you wanted to see her but that's not what I meant. Why didn't you go to her house?"I turned from the cabinet where the chess case was always kept. "I was waiting for you to call. Mr. Oldham told me what to say," I said.Suzanne didn't comment but I could tell that she was touched. "Is this girl ... is she special? Is that the reason you wanted to see her so badly that you misled her?" I didn't mislead her. She wanted to see me too," I responded, defensively. "She just needed an excuse to come out and I supplied it." That's not what I asked. Is she special?" Suzanne's stare was steady, imploring."Is she special? She's not Becky," I.
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