A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again.For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.He paused for a moment and then started to leave.The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'Lemon SqueezeThere once was a religious young woman who went toConfession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be. The feeling stirs in you, like flashes of light to your sightless eyes, rushing through your system, and your body shiversCloser and closer you feel the lips, a short period of time but it feels like an eternity of anticipation, of need?please?please?please touch me there?.your mind screams your desires but no words escape your lips? you were instructed not to make a sound?but how can you hold back with all these sensations ripping blissfully through you. Your lips, those tender lips which were once closed are now beginning to open, your moistness slickening your rose petals, and begins to flow as a droplet from between them. The heat rises from your body, and you can feel yourself?yes deep within you feel yourself vibrate, your walls rubbing against each other?anticipating, needing?wanting?.And you screamThe instant that tender lips are met by the wet touch of a tongue, licking, teasing at your entrance, your body arches against your bonds, and your eyes though covered pops open.
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