Theprof says I should live the life until we can find an alternative. Ithink he's right. If I tell mom and dad who I really am, I'll end up insome nut house. Besides, Amy is all they've ever known. Something I'velearned already about time travel is if you alter reality, whatever itbecomes truly is reality. The reality is that Mark Bradsworth has neverexisted! That hurts to write.But how can I step into a new life and appear normal? The emotions I amfeeling right now are almost overwhelming. Great - I am actually cryingnow. That's something I haven't done in years. Damn. I hope it's justthe crush of such an unexpected change that has me in tears and notsome stupid hormonal girl thing.I also haven't changed clothes yet. I'm just not ready for what I knowI'm going to see. I have had to pee a couple of times, but frankly, Ileft the light off in the bathroom. I know what you're thinking, andyes, I did have to sit. Wiping was the strangest, most alien feeling Ihave ever had. If a simple. I brought a bottle of white wine in the ice chest while the kids brought a six pack of coke. The sun was bright and soothing and I sat on a blanket and was reading a Michael Connelly novel and sipping on wine while the kids fooled around in the surf and tanned on towels far enough away from me that I couldn't hear their conversation. I could see them though, petting each other and kissing when they thought I wasn't watching.I felt a little buzz from the wine and was having a little trouble distinguishing the words on the page so I decided to walk back to our cottage and take a nap. I told Becky and Josh that I was leaving and half way back to the cottage I realized that I had way too much to drink. I stumbled inside the kitchen and down the hall and once I got into my bedroom I sat down on the bed and tried to keep the room from spinning around. When I finally felt stable enough I stripped out of my bathing suit and walked down the hallway and stepped into the shower. Fifteen minutes.
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