”“I’m supposed to stay down here and talk to ya, Ralph.” The whimsical sewer worker commiserates with his big buddy. “Find out why yer so grouchy all the time.” Ralph, being the prideful, stubborn man he is, cannot bring himself to admit that there is anything wrong with him and in frustration lashes out at his hapless friend.“Me?!” the tirade begins. “What’s wrong with me, he says! Oh boy, that’s a laugh.”Arms waiving grandiosely, Ralph begins stalking around the apartment, the steam building momentum he is unable to control in his confusion and frustration.“I’LL TELL YA WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME, NORTON!” Ralph bellows, on the verge of spilling all until he looks into the trusting, innocent eyes of his pal and the storm is suddenly calmed within him.“Oh, what’s the use?” Ralph says. “You wouldn’t understand anyway.”“Tell ya what, Ralph.” Norton says conspiratorially, and patting his aggrieved friend’s uniform clad belly. “We’ll make this a regular guys night out. What do you say?”“I’d. Maureen was saying something about me looking like the Goddess but her voice was fading into a whisper. I had a strong urge to change the subject quickly.“There’s something I have to tell you,” I managed to say, as I felt beads of sweat like blood forming on my forehead.All eyes tuned on me.“I’m lactating.”If I had said there was a bomb in the room it couldn’t have produced more of a shock. Then to my surprise the shock turned to smiles and claps of delight. What was all this? Then the penny dropped and I became very angry.I turned to Tabbie and glared at her.“Those tablets,” I yelled at her, “they’ve done this to me. They weren’t contraceptive tablets at all. How could you lie to me? I trusted you.” I turned to the rest of them. “I trusted all of you. I’ve done everything you’ve asked me and almost got abducted and killed.”“The abduction and near death was not our doing. You can only have yourself to blame for that.” Joy told me.“You, shut up!” I screamed at her and she jumped back.
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