He's guiding me by the elbow and he can feel me tremblingwith fear and cold. i'm wearing nothing but a thin prison-issue gown,sort of like a hospital gown, that ties in the back, something that caneasily be removed & stripped from my body when the execution is over. Theguard helps me up onto the table--since I'm cuffed wrists & ankles--and heslips off my little paper booties for me. i asked him if he would do thisfor me. it doesn't seem so important now but i wanted to die barefoot, toshow off my freshly pedicured and polished toes--it seemed that it wouldbe sexy that way & i imagined that at least some of the men--maybe even afew of the women--would get turned on watching me die. Like I said, itseemed important--and a kind of comfort--while i was waiting on death-rowfor my execution to sexualize it like this--but now it doesn't seem sexyat all. Still, my guard has remembered & i'm grateful to him.Everyone can see how nervous i am so they're very polite & gentle withme. Still. Young children were murdered, the rest were evidently taken hostage and gone, the village burned to the ground. It was the tenth village eliminated this year. I wondered if there was a pattern to the destruction - a direction they were going.I ordered the General to begin an analysis of the raids and to begin a close-in surveillance with satellites to see if the rebels could be found.The US military was not in the area but former Black Bear had a contract with Mali and several other countries in the area for training. We continued the contract. It would give training a whole new meaning if they were given an enemy to use for training.After the security meeting there was a staff meeting where I would find out how well I did with the speech to the public. All the media ratings reports were in.The first order of domestic business was California. The governor - instead of applying state pressure to end the riots - was saying things to encourage them like the true communist he was.
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