The biggest lie I tell myself is..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!Old age is coming at a really bad time!Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!I don't have white hair, I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second. . and what you have is what gets spent.'Wendy?' Mom was in my brain.'Mother?''Your language is unbecoming to a girl of your tender years. You know what is going to happen when you get home?''FUCK!''See?'I paid the man and started to get off the boat. Mom was going to clean up my act ... I hate the taste of soap."Where do you think you're going?" Home." Nope ... I need you to go. Someone has to steer the other boat."Since I was pis ... upset with mother, I said, "How much you going to pay me?" I was totally unprepared for his response."Half," he said, "I'd have to hire help and that's what I'd pay them." Done," I agreed. But we weren't moving. He was looking at the money."This is very old ... you have given me a great gift. I collect and I don't have any of these." He pulled out his wallet and peeled out five one hundred dollar bills and gave them to me.Then he said, "Cast off and let's get this job done."The lake was calm, the only wave action was the wash from the freighters out in.
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