”“Would they admit it and sit down with a therapist to fix it?”Doctor Mercer smiled, “No, of course not. And in those cases, especially Manson, it can’t be cured.”I chuckled, “Well, given Bundy and Jones are dead, I’d say that’s true.”“I’m sure you know what I meant. And, knowing you, you’re fully aware of where this developed.”“I mentioned it before - Melanie and Jennifer, with a dose of help from Bethany. Don’t get me wrong; I’m fully responsible for all my actions. Whatever any of them did, or didn’t do, doesn’t change that fact, any more than my mom’s abuse does. I did what I did and I take responsibility for it in every case.”“Another sign you aren’t like those men I mentioned before. Let’s talk about those early days. I know we’ve covered them before, but I sense you have a different perspective now.”“Maybe deeper and more nuanced is a better way to put it. First, we’ll never know, at least in this life, what Birgit intended when she sent me to Melanie. She had some kind of. I avoided a couple of bars because they had big male bouncers on the doors checking IDs, and the people going in were mostly couples and threes. I also avoided the rowdier places. I soon realised I was running out of options though. One place I noticed had a woman bouncer, and while she looked tough and was definitely turning away the rougher looking men, I at least one girl who looked younger than me go in without being challenged.So I figured, what the hell, she can only turn me away. I walked up to the door, not looking at her, felt her eyes on me, and then I was in. The music was softer inside than I was expecting but still loud, the lights were dim and kept changing colour, making it difficult to see what was going on. I made my way to the bar, aware that I was being looked at - no, stared at - from multiple directions. The bartender was a woman who, I swear, looked more like a man that a lot of men I'd seen except for the chest that was definitely female and totally not.
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