I wanted to fuckin’ bawl.Mattie took one look at my face and asked, “Everythin’ OK, Jamie?”The ‘Jamie’ was too much. My brother had called me Jamie, my friends. It seemed so intimate and lovin’ and I choked on my reply, unable to speak past the lump in my throat.“Hey, man,” Matt said, gettin’ up from his armchair.“No!” I cried, puttin’ my hands up in a wardin’ gesture. “No… I’ll be OK in a minute.” I sat for a bit, waitin’ for my heart to stop beatin’, tryin’ to get back my equilibrium. “Sorry,” I said at last.“No worries,” he said. There was a long silence. Flies buzzin’ against the glass, the tick of an old grandfather clock. “Ya wanna talk about it?”“I just… I dunno. I just want somebody, ya know? Some guys just want a root but I want somebody to come home to.”“Ya friend?”“My flatmate.” I poured all the scorn I could into the word. “He likes fuckin’ me. But he doesn’t love me. I don’ want that. I want to be…”“Yeah,” he said quietly, his eyes on me. “Yeah.”I realised too late that. That is why even though I did the work on some of the things that will most likely be implemented in the tank experiment that some colony is doing Marissa holds the patent.You should warn Larry that he is going to receive a lot of harassment. Some sponsors (especially the men) look at men like me and consider them a failure. I don't see myself that way. I don't quite have the CAP score to volunteer, but I am contributing and in a very real way putting my life on the line every day. LCPL VanDuyne says that a lot of that arrogance will get knocked off of the newly picked up sponsors once they really do see the elephant so to speak. But for now I make sure that some of the marines are with me if Marissa can't be for some reason. I learned that the hard way. I won't tell you what happened but it was vastly uncomfortable at best. The worst part was that I didn't dare resist lest I be guilty of assault on a sponsor, which would have gotten me killed. I guess I know what some girls (I'm.
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