As a sales guy, I was used to creatingstories on the fly. I was thinking on the go..."Well," I started. "Those..those things are... mine..." Yours, you lying piece of shit. What do you mean yours? Since when doyou wear lipstick or have blonde hair?"I looked at the growing anger and knew this was make or break. I had tomake it look plausible. "Trace, I am ssss sorry I didn't tell you before,but I like to dress up..." What the hell do you mean by that?" She was boiling now."You see, right from the time I was in college, I have been dressingup... You know... in women's stuff." I sniffled waiting for a reactionbut none came."Go on." You see one Halloween at college my then girlfriend at college got me todress up for Halloween. She went all out and got me stuff and made me up.We went out partying and had a great time. Ever since then I have beenhooked and do it whenever I have the chance." You lying bastard," she spat. "OK, if you dress up, where are yourthings? Make up? I want to see. Nope, instead you turned left instead of right because you answered your cell phone and got in an argument with the wife about what the 13 year old wants to wear. There's a horrendous accident on the backroad and ... what do you know ... you're the cause.Or ... you could be like me. To get from point A to point B, I usually take a ruler and draw a straight line between the two and chart a course driving on roads closest to the line. Only, the road on the map isn't there. Well ... it is ... but it's a access road for a cherry orchard and the way out hasn't been there for years.Or you've managed to miss the turning because the state can't afford the price of decent sized road signs or the state run ferry doesn't run at night but nobody bothered to tell the map company. You made a bad decision because of faulty information.Even worse, the crackhead car jacker, who's been hurting for something soothing, to take the edge off, picks your car.It might not be that drastic. A simple sip of.
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