When we arrived, I helped him settle himself with a minimum of discomfort from his injury.
He said a word of prayer asking for God’s guidance, fidgeted a moment with some spears of grass and then said, ‘My love, what is your answer?’
‘It’s not quite that simple,’ I said.
And then I told him of Ruth’s concern.
‘I’m fine!’ he said. ‘I’m as much a man …!’
Then he abruptly looked away, across the creek.
After a silence, he turned and said, ‘But you can’t know that for certain, can you?’
‘I couldn’t live without children.’
‘You wouldn’t have to!’ he blurted out as he turned to face me. But then his lips compressed and he looked down.
After some seconds he said, ‘I understand. You have to be certain that I can …. But of course you can’t be. I guess there’s no more to say, is there? If that’s the way it must be, the Lord will help me bear this heavy burden.’
His lips were trembling and his eyes moistened as he spoke. I wonder now that he had been able to speak those. “Are you gay?” He laughed somewhat hysterically which made me turn to face him back startled, and threw his hands into the air. I couldn’t help but admire the ripples of muscle on his back. “Apparently, unless one could be straight and sleep naked in a bed with another naked man. Why, are you?” “I didn’t think so,” I muttered, massaging my head in my hands. “Maybe we didn’t do anything.” “You seriously think that? Really.” I shut my eyes and waited for the room to stay still. “It’s not like we’ll ever find out if we did or not.” “Yeah I guess,” he murmured. “Do you... you don’t, uh. Hurt, anywhere you usually wouldn’t, do you?” He turned to look my way, frowning with one eye kind of shut. “No, I don’t know! Would that even be something I’d be able to... feel the next day?” “I don’t know! I’ve never done this before... Jesus,” he yelled standing up and pacing. I cleared my throat and stood up too, walking over to him. He stopped and stared at me as I clasped both hands on.
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