" "Are you scared?" he asked. "A little. The fantasy of having Alfredo's child is emotionally appealing. I do love the man. I have had two children with you. A part of me wants to experience having his child grow inside me. But I'm scared too." "What are you scared about?" Oscar seemed to genuinely want to understand my feelings. "Well, I am scared by a great many things. I'm forty two years old now. I am only a few years away from menopause. Raising a child is a lot of work, as you and I both know. I'll be over sixty when the child turns seventeen and starts really pushing the limits." I paused to take a sip of my coffee before continuing. I thought for a moment, and added, "And I do love both you and Alfredo. I really do. But I am not leaving you to be with him. I'm just not." Oscar smiled and interrupted, "That's good to hear." "But Oscar, what role will Alfredo want to have in the baby's life? I can never tell the child that you are not his or her father. So the child will never. ? Some of her winter clothes were kept inboxes, but hopefully she could find all of this stuff. A lace thongteddy ? no problem ? that was in the lingerie drawer.? She grabbed a black one out. White full-cut panties ? God, shenever wore granny panties ? she must have a pair of period panties somewhere ?she started rummaging through her drawer, scattering the finest silks, theflimsiest lace across the floor.?Normally she took care of her clothes, but couldn?t do thattonight.? Tissue paper and its preciouscontents lay strewn indiscriminately across the floor.? A turtleneck ? thatshe could find.? She grabbed one off ahangar, cursing as the neck stretched and slightly lost its shape.? Jeans, ditto ? not hard tofind.? Just hard to get on withouta crowbar! She grabbed her gabardine overcoatfrom its summer bag, and thank God, found one crumpled mitten lying on thefloor of the back of the closet.? She glanced at her watch ? abouttwo minutes to go ? she could do this!?Desperately, she clawed.
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