“Besides, I thought you didn’t like Bob? Isn’t that what you said? You said you had someone who would take you? Who is he – or she? If he or she is a sponsor, maybe we can work something out to make sure he gets picked up.”“You,” Tamara whispered, her voice on the barest edge of audibility. Sobs wracked her body and tears coursed down her cheeks.“Who?” Calix asked again, unable to hear what she’d said before.“You!” Tamara yelled, turning toward Calix. “I want to be here with you – but I want you to want me here. I don’t want you to kick me out when you kick out Alicia. I know she’s fucking everything up, but I don’t want her to ruin it for me! I know you only brought me because she guilted you into it – but I’m here, now. Can’t you keep me? Do you have to throw me away with Alicia?”Calix’s confusion was profound. Everything he’d seen, the way she acted – it was always like she was two people, one of them wanted to be here and the other didn’t. Then, thinking on what she had just. I sat there trying to absorb everything. I was trying to understand. I could actually understand the jealousy part because I was always a little jealous of her being able to stay home with the kids all the time. How ironic I thought. What about last night, what about the guy I decked. He works at the bank. Hes a loan officer. We had been together a few times before but always while you were out of town. To tell you the truth, I thought, and thought, and thought about it, I have no idea why I didnt call and say Id be late. Maybe I wanted to get caught, maybe I needed to get caught, I dont know. I do know how guilty I always felt right after we were done. Okay, I said. Look Its getting late and I have to get down to the studio. I had planned on taking my clothes with me then coming back tonight so we could tell the kids together that we were getting divorced. Im still going to take some clothes with me and stay at the studio for a couple days, but I just dont know what to do yet. I.
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