"I can see you're all on the edge of your seats wondering how this bit of news affects you."The woman with the amazing tits, as well as her progeny, sat stoically, seemingly totally disinterested. Well, that was about to change. Millions of people would be watching to see how I handled the situation. I knew if I handled it successfully, I would be looking at my picture on the cover of the tabloids at the local supermarket some Sunday afternoon."Since you ask, I'll explain what's going on. You kids are on a collision course with a lifetime of ridicule and shame. To put it quite bluntly, you look like hell. If I took you to the beach, you'd have half a dozen harpoons in you before you could turn around," I predicted somewhat humorously knowing how my TV fans would love me for it. "That's unacceptable to me and it should be to you as well."I had their attention now! BB was getting red faced and angry. Jim had the grace to be embarrassed and turned a bright crimson. Kate turned a deeper. So I couldn't go."Girl talk, David," WSM would say and they would ride off in the car I bought Grace ... Lucy Lou driving, of course. They would head out in the 1955 Studebaker President Speedster loaded with standard equipment including: three speed overdrive transmission, power steering and brakes, dual exhaust, four-barrel carburetor, "Shoemaker-stitched" diamond-quilted genuine top-grain leather interior, carpeting front and rear, a map pocket (but no glove box) an eight-tube push-button radio, an S&W 160 mph speedometer and 8,000 rpm tachometer in a simulated engine-turned facing, turn signals, electric clock, tinted glass, cigarette lighter, oil filter and oil bath air cleaner, dual backup lamps, triple horns, two-speed electric wipers, tubeless whitewall tires, simulated wire wheel covers and fog-light bumperettes.Daddy and I would drive by the Busy Bea, the Speedster parked out front and Grace and Lucy sitting at the side table and chatting up a mile a minute. In another.
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