“Plenty of people,” I said, trying not to sound patronising. “You’re a nice woman, friendly, amusing…”“Obese,” she said to finish my list.“That’s a medical term,” said. “It has nothing to do with attractiveness.”“No,” she said flatly. “But get real. I have. I’ve had to.”“What time do you finish tonight?” I asked.“I’m off tonight.”“Doing anything?”She made a dismissive sound involving vibrating lips.“No?” I continued. “So would you like to come round to my place? I’ll make some food and we can have a few drinks.”“Are you asking me out?”“No, I’m asking you in. But we can go out if you prefer.”“Like where?” she said. “No.”“No what?”“No I don’t think we should go out.”“But we could stay in? At my house?”“Are you sure?”“What’s such a big deal?” I asked, getting a tiny bit exasperated.“Okay. What time?”“Eight?”“Okay.”Somebody from the kitchen brought my breakfast and Lizzie stayed out of the way for the half hour I stayed there, but I caught her eye as I was leaving and she raised eight. I was also scared back then. Afraid of someone finding out. Afraid thatsomeone who did find out would attack me or at least ridicule me. I wasalso afraid that I would be caught dressed in mom?s clothes. The strangest thing is that the others knew. For example, I came in thirdfor best looking girl in my senior year. The one who won was alreadytransitioning.I was actually attacked at the age of twelve by a boy who goosed mejust because he wanted to find out if I was a boy or girl. When hefound out he laughed. He laughed as I lay on the ground protectingmyself. The physical pain of him grabbing my balls dissipated quickly,but the pain of the humiliation and my feeling violated lasted a longtime.I told my former supervisor about my feelings of the boy who lived nextdoor to me how I played with him until some of my sexual feelings beganto come out. He was a year older than me and also an inch or twotaller. In my fantasy I needed him to hold me, to love me and cherishme. When he.
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