I had always, from the first time I saw her, been overwhelmed by April. She is a strikingly beautiful woman with classical NorInd facial structure.“Ladies and Gentlemen,” I started, “I expect to get acquainted with all of you over the next couple of weeks. As we go along, you will learn that I can be a reasonable person. However, I am not your friend. All I ask of you is an honest effort. If you try, really try, to do a good job you’ll have nothing to worry about. If needed, I will stand by your side. But if you do goof up. Don’t make excuses don’t pass the blame. Expect punishment, but be assured that the punishment will be fair.”But if you mess with me, be aware, I’m not a nice guy. I’m that arrogant, egotistical, sadistic, spawn of satan that will haunt your nightmares for the rest of you and your grand children’s lives. I’ll make your life miserable. And in the case of the genuine assholes, and I know that you’re listening, I know where the nearest airlock is and how it operates.. KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy)MAGI:The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.MANGER:Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO.(The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)PEW:A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.PROCESSION:The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.RECESSIONAL:The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.RELICS:People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by DavidLetterman.USHERS:The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.Little known facts about the Catholic Church in Las.
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