There was his guilt. He should tell Danny and Jessie about the incident if he wanted to feel good about himself. Get things off his chest. I looked over at Duncan and Tessa. He had a proprietary arm around her and she had eyes only for him. Maybe purging himself of his guilt would allow Matt to find someone to make him happy. Then he could have a marriage like his friends. I switched my empty plate for a full one and said, ‘You should tell them.’ ‘What?’ he asked stunned. ‘Tell them about your guilt. Purge yourself of the feelings by having a long, cleansing talk with Danny. Have a beer with him and just blurt it out or something.’ ‘Him and Jessie would never talk to me again!’ I looked over at the couple in question. ‘At first, they might hold it against you. People need time to sort out feelings and digest the information. Afterwards, I’m sure they’ll find they’ve forgiven you and will try to be friends again.’ He viewed me quizzically, his food forgotten. I was sure I said the. To sit with Maureen and Ashley and the rest of us and dishthe dirt. Praise whatever one of us has bought recently, andsympathize with whoever's having the usual problems with herhusband. Discuss whether to have dessert and decide not to, thenspend twenty minutes dividing the check." Yes," I said. "I'd love it. But not as a man. Looking like awoman, so I can imagine that's what I am." I had no hope it wouldever happen."You wouldn't mind all my friends knowing about this ... peculiarhabit of yours? Being seen by them in a dress? Sitting there likea lady and gossiping with us all about yourself and all the whilethey know who you are underneath?"That was a problem. But there was no way to evade it. I wantedit. "Not if you don't mind," I said, swallowing hard. In factwould I feel embarrassed? Yes. Humiliated? Maybe, certainly ifthey laughed at me. Could I leave the house and walk the publicstreets and enter a restaurant pretending to be a proper woman? I'd have to. Was I.
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