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"?I asked Eliza Scunthorpe what to do. "If I do go home, of course you'll have to unlock this thing" I said manipulatively, thinking about how I could jerk off in the bathroom on the plane. ?"Give me your mother's address and I'll send the keys there--I've misplaced them." Ms. Scunthorpe said. "You can unlock when you get there..."?She told me she thought that it was a brilliant move, business wise, to take over my father's real estate brokerage, and said I should go home to Mother.?But when I got home, Mother had opened Ms. Scunthorpe's envelope and taken the keys!?Because masturbation is still a sin...Mother has not relinquished the keys in the eighteen months since I have been at home. Ms. Scunthorpe's letter to Mother told her how to anally "drain" me of excessive semen, so that's all up for me and my sex life! ?She took my driver's license away from me, and put me back on the bus going to work, and she hired Bonnie, who is still GORGEOUS to be my administrative assistant.. ’ Jack smiled. ‘What do you want, Liam?’ ‘Ah, I’m bored. Are you at home? I was thinking about dropping buy. I can bring pizza.’ ‘It’s eleven o’clock!’ ‘It’s never too late for pizza. Come on—my treat.’ ‘Nah, man, I’m not at home.’ ‘It’s eleven o’clock!’ Jack laughed. ‘See you at the office tomorrow?’ ‘Tomorrow’s Saturday.’ ‘Like I said. See you at the office tomorrow.’ ‘Yeah yeah. Hey, where are you? You’re not sleeping at your desk tonight, are you?’ Jack scoffed. He’d never slept at his desk– his office had a couch. ‘I’m at my girlfriend’s place.’ ‘Figures. So when do I get to meet the woman who stole my drinking partner?’ ‘I asked her, but she says she’d rather be strung up by her toenails than sit in a room with more than one lawyer in it.’ It was Liam’s turn to scoff. ‘That’s a figure of speech, I’m sure.’ After saying goodnight Jack snapped the phone shut, but opened it again almost immediately and dialed Ally’s cell phone. ‘Don’t look now but there’s a cool glass of water.
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