This guy was attractive. Absolutely. But, she did not believe that was clouding her judgement. She did not feel as though she were in danger. That said, she had a decision to make. Was she willing to have sex with this man? Because, if she opened the door to her studio and let him in, that is where this would lead. Even though he had said he would be content with dancing with her, she needed to get real. It was the middle of the night. He was a guy who had watched her set. Maybe he had not gotten the wrong idea, but he had certainly gotten ideas. She had not managed to protect herself this long by being stupid. If she got out of her car, she had to be willing to take him to bed. She looked over at his car. He was sitting in it patiently. Waiting for her. There was no pressure coming from him. This was up to her. She had to admit to herself that she was turned on by this situation. To mix her dancing with sex? She didn’t get this opportunity often. How many nights had she left her. .. ‘Stop it! Get off him Valerie! You should be past this sort of thing now my girl!’In that instance I knew what was implied; our activity was not decent.Something precious had been replaced by a guilt complex. It had also induced a deep sense of shame into my sexuality.Much later in married life, I discovered that only a guilt-ridden fantasy of Dan allowed me to climax fully.For me sex was a cocktail which included a shot of Dan and a shot of Shame.But since my husbands death, all that had been forgotten: until Dan had came to stay with us.While I stare into the darkness of the window I become aware of the reflection that’ s before me; of the two of them on the floor behind me. I smile at the quirk of it, like watching a hidden camera. Jez is squirming on the floor underneath Dan.Kneeling over her, he’s tickling her first on the neck then the waist. She’s in convulsions, legs kicking out against the delightful torture, her white thighs flashing, her school dress skewed up past her.
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