These steps are not necessarily mutually exclusive and can be experienced simultaneously. For example other theorists have said that it is not uncommon for people go back and forth in their sexual identity development.Step One: Identity Confusion.“Who am I?” is the major question in this step. People in this stage of the coming out process start to notice their attraction to same-sex people and really question what it means. Am I gay? Am I a lesbian? Am I transgendered? Am I bisexual? Within this stage there may be a denial of inner feelings as a person continues to see themselves as a member of the mainstream, heterosexual population. Some may consider their behaviors as ‘just experimenting’. Some people in this stage might keep emotional involvement separate from their sexual activity; others may choose to have deeply emotional relationships that are non- sexual.Step Two: Identity Comparison At this stage, a person may try to find an explanation for why they are having the feelings. Her being not-gay was only one reason why not. But a stupid little part of me still hoped."But that's not what really hurt," she explained. "It was the way things went after we were done. We parted on good terms, and I thought we were going to stay friends. Really friends, not the fake, 'I hope we can still be friends,' you always feed your latest ex. But then she just totally shut me out. It was… hard to deal with." But that didn't have anything to do with you!" Willow told her. "That was just the way she was. Things were starting to get bad, with Harmony, and Simone, and Twilight, and when things got bad Buffy pulled away. From everyone. Every time. But then the crisis would pass and she'd open up again. God, I'm so sorry--I can't believe I didn't explain that to you at the time. I should've realized how much you were hurt by it. But she really did care about you a lot. I know she did. Even talked about you in her sleep." Yeah, well… thanks."Willow tried again to talk her into.
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