A game of chess later, I hear your breathing has changed, blood surges to my cock and a smile on my face as I know you've fallen asleep. Two more games and I'm sure of it. I send you a text, your phone chimes and hums on the bed stand, you don't even move. Slowly I inch my way out from under the bed and stand, stretching out as I smirk at your naked body half covered by sheets. Thinking of a plan of attack I gently pull the sheets away from you... as you lay naked I stroke my cock a few times, excited at what's about to happen. Over the next agonizing ten min I spread your legs apart making sure I don't wake you. Laying myself down between your legs I take your scent in, lifting my ass to allow the needed room for my cock to grow to its length. A gentle, loong stroke from my tongue, bottom to top of your warm pussy, spreading your lips. Sucking you into my mouth your hand instinctively moves down onto my head as you let out a soft moan, still semi sleeping. My hand comes up. "Occupation?"No, just here for a few days."As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.Then I remembered – the local cafe serve breakfast until 11.30."Jesus Loves You."Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.Got caught having a piss in the.
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