”“She’s part of my life, Melanie, and probably always will be.”“I want that and I can’t have it.”“You can be part of my life as my friend.”“But I wanted to be part of your life like Jennifer is!” she turned, crying, and ran straight into the girls’ bathroom.And that was it. At some point, it was no longer just sex for Melanie. And I had missed it. Again. Her behavior towards me hadn’t changed — or had it? Her desperation to be with me, to spend time together one-on-one, her trashing of her relationship with Pete, using me as the reason; had those all been signs? Or was I reading something into them that wasn’t there. I had no idea, and I had to get to class.I didn’t see her the rest of the day, and when I looked for her after school, I didn’t see her walking home. Since I had to catch the bus, I couldn’t spend time looking for her. As soon as I got home, I went to my room and dialed her number. There was no answer, so I decided to swim my laps and get started on my homework. I’d try. She’s versatile; a virtuosa on guitar and piano both. Alison is good too, and Jenni has a lovely voice. Carol sheets were produced and we all sang, until Jessica requested Spiegel im Spiegel, such a beautiful, reflective piece. Memories flooded in, and I wept. Suddenly, I was being held, with Jessica on one side and Alison on the other.“I’m sorry,” I got out, after a while.“Don’t be,” Jessica told me. “Tears are nothing to be ashamed of.” She turned to Chrissie, but she’d already segued into the Calypso Carol, which is, apparently, a favourite of her husband’s. Davey came – he’d brought toys for me to admire at intervals – holding a soft toy of indeterminate shape, and climbed into my lap.“C’ara sad?”“Not now you’re here,” I reassured him, and he snuggled into my arms, and fell asleep. Jenni asked if I wanted to put him down – she’d take him to one of Jessica’s bedrooms to have a nap – but she didn’t object when I said I was happy to hold him.She smiled. “Enjoy it. But I don’t want.
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