While doing so he explained over and over again to me how i was nothing, no longer person, i was his pet, his slave. From now on i would be less than an animal, i would not speak or have any thoughts or opinions, that i existed only for his amusement. The lectures, instructions and pain would go on for hours at a time. Once, when I had been particularly willful, he decided a whipping was not enough. He filled a large bucket with water and, with my hands and ankles bound, plunged my head under the water over and over again. When he'd let me up for a breath he'd slap my face, yelling and threatening me, reminding me my life belonged to him and i would learn my place. That night i never slept, i lay weeping in despair and fear. When i was left alone i was either bound, blindfolded, gagged, with headphones to block out all sound. To be trapped in my mind and body, with nothing to distract me from the fear. Other times he left the video monitor playing constantly, videos of women. Not that I didn’t plan on sneaking over from time to time. And I’m certain Mom knew that would happen, but I had already made up my mind we would treat it as if she didn’t allow it at all, to keep from shoving our activity in her face.But even the enforced separation looming on the horizon couldn’t keep me down. All those sitcom jokes about the guy having to ‘sleep on the couch’ now hit home for me, and I was determined never to end up in that position again! A couch just isn’t a great place to get a good night’s sleep.More than that, Emily was starting to come back to us. She was still angry and would even snap at me from time to time, but I could see her pull back from that almost instantly as she realized she was taking her anger out on me. Truthfully, I would take hostility over the previous avoidance, every time.We were talking again, and had even sat on the couch and watched TV last night. I knew the road wasn’t over, but I was thrilled we had made progress.I was ruminating over.
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